


We Should Do That Thing With Our Mouths - You Know, Snow?

by simonsnow



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Comedy, M/M, SnowBaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 15:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5545001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simonsnow/pseuds/simonsnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His eyes half close suddenly. "You.. Snow, consequently have really... nice eyes, Snow." Are the first things that come out of his mouth. He smirks with the right side of his face. "We should do that thing people do with their mouths."</p><p>The smell of something sharp and powerful come from him, like a poison.. OR ALCOHOL.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>There are only so many things someone can do when their vampire roommate shows up drunk late at night. Then again, there are only so many things a drunk, vampire roommate can do late at night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Should Do That Thing With Our Mouths - You Know, Snow?

**Author's Note:**

> This would have happened in 6th year in my head, just after/around the time of the first-day-back picnic

**Simon.**

It's getting late and Baz still isn't back in our dorm, and I can't bloody _focus_ on reading _Read Your Future_  when he isn't anywhere to be found. First, there's the back-to-school picnic he doesn't show at, and now he isn't anywhere to be found? Trying to ignore him is like having to swallow food you didn't realize was going to be hot before you put it in your mouth - you don't want to do it.

And, well, it's not like working out the fact neptune is conjunct with my venus in the 6.5th house is going to help.

I stand up.

Fucking King Arthur - this is 5th year stuff.

The room's heating up so much that I don't bother to grab a coat or even roll down my sleeves, just head to the door. Curfew hits in 20 minutes. _Great_. Good job, Baz. Perfect bloody - timing. 

I place my hand on the door. Gather up a breath. Finally, I pull as sharply as possible before Baz crashes into me, practically through the door. My back crashes into the floor, while he's toppling over and into and onto me, filling space like water, and digging me into the ground. His long strands of soft, black hair land in my face as he props himself up onto his elbows, which fall on either side of my head - STILL ON THE FLOOR, MAY I ADD.

"Consider _moving,_ will you?" I manage to squeeze from my lungs. His sea water eyes are widely staring into my much plainer ones. We both freeze: me? because my mortal enemy has just fallen on top of me and has me more or less pegged, unable to move on the carpet of the floor; him? because it must be some sort of plan. For the love of - OF _ALL_ the roommates, mine has to be the height of a podium. He'd be light if it weren't for just the _amount_ of bones in him.

Right now I'm just staring at him. Finally, he speaks.

His eyes half close suddenly. "You.. Snow, consequently have really... nice eyes, Snow." Are the first things that come out of his mouth. He smirks with the right side of his face. "We should do that thing people do with their mouths."

The smell of something sharp and powerful come from him, like a poison.. OR _ALCOHOL_. I finally nudge my entire side into him, using as much strength as I can, using it all like a bomb uses gunpowder - all at once - although with the smallest beginning of a push, he loses balance and falls to his back. The first thing I do is prop onto my feet. If he thinks I'll leave my guard down while I play stupid. He's trying to get us both expelled. If they find him drunk they'll drag me into it, and then all the years worth of studying, of helping the Mage, will be gone. I'll be the chosen one who got _expelled_. The only chosen thing I'll be chosen for is to be expelled.

Baz groans on the floor, slowly closing his eyes.

"Are you drunk?" I ask, because I know he is, but I want to hear him say it. That he's trying to bring us both down with him.

It takes him a moment. "No."

It takes him another moment. "Maybe?" He gives a small, light laugh - nearly a giggle. A _giggle._

"Do you want to be expelled?" 

"Snow," He clicks his mouth. "You gotta try new things."

"Not if new things can get you _expelled_." I'm sounding like Penelope - which is a good thing, that's what I'm going for. She gets me to stop doing idiotic things, for once I can use it on Baz. 

He's silent for a moment, and for a second I think he's passed out, but then his eyes open wide again. "I was _doing_ something. _"_ He begins to shift himself back up to his elbows. "You?" 

My cheeks flare red. "What?!" 

"What was I doing?" He's managing to get himself to stand. There's no wind in the room, but with the way he teeters there could be a hurricane. I am a stone in comparison. 

"Being a twat-" 

"Hey! _Snow."_ He turns around immediately, and has one of his long fingers pointing under my nose, too close to me. He's squinting his eyes. "You, play nice." His face looks stern, strict, as though he had to turn off a switch. " **Bibbidi bobbidi-"** Magic begins to swell - I don't have time to move out of the way - the temperature of my skin heats. He pokes his finger to my nose. " _Boop._ " He smiles with the entirety of his face. My bottom jaw drops a little. 

The vampire shifts around, turning to look over his bed and through his things. "Well, if I've _forgotten_ it." 

"Forgotten what?"" 

"You - I _mean_ \- pfft." He starts laughing heartily. 

" _What_?" The stars couldn't have predicted this for lightyears. 

"This is going to sound _strange_." He laughs a little before trying to explain his sentences. "I don't mean you..  I mean the thing I was going to do." He pauses, and I'm pausing alongside. "The thing that I've _forgotten_." _Again_ he pauses. "That I don't need to remember because I've forgotten it and isn't important! See?" Once again, Baz is starting to move around, this time to his closet. His hair bobs up and down as he does. "That is what coherency sounds like." 

"'Right." 

" _Indeed_." He looks through the closet, sifting through materials, while whispering something to himself which at first I think is a spell - a curse - but then I realize he's mumbling ' _c_ o - _here -_ ency, _co-_ here-ency, co-here- _ency_ ' in that same exact way. Syllable by syllable. "There!" From the closet he draws out a navy blue peacoat I've seen him where a couple of times. Before I can say anything, he has the form fitting material clinging onto his sides in all the places it should, effortlessly. It's not too long on his arms, not too short. The color dulls and at the same time makes his eyes stand out. He pushes past me to reach the bathroom.

"Y-you're not _leaving_." I say, trying to say it defiantly. Failing. He's flipping his hair over all onto one side, then scraping it all to the left, then letting it fall back to how it had been. "You're not _going anywhere._ " 

"Whoa." He takes a step back, looking at the in the mirror. "I could attract a fairy in this. Wow, I have a _nice face."_ Then his gaze shifts to me, and I take a step back. Then he looks back at himself. Then he looks back at me, like he's double checking something. Then he looks back at himself. "You still have better shoulders - bloody  _Atlas_ I swear - or your _moles._ " 

I grit my teeth. This feels like one of the _worst_ things he has ever done - worse than the time he attacked me with the chimera. It feels worse. It feels like heat is engulfing me all over, ready to set me off. It feels like every part of my body being restless. "Curfew is off in 10 minutes - we'd get into trouble - they won't let you go anywhere." I point out. Baz stops pulling faces in the mirror. 

"I'll find a way - I have magic, y'know? Like look at this, wa-wa- _wait_ one second. It'll blow your _mind clear away._ " Baz turns around a moment, back facing from me, and blocking my view of his hands. All I get is a navy coat in my vision. Then, I hear the sound of sparks fizzling. He spins around and on the pointing finger of his right there are sparks flying off of him like a trick candle.

"BAZ, STOP, YOU'RE FLAMMABLE." 

"No, no no! I mean - _yeah_ but," He's slowly walking forward, and I find myself walking back. "I've got it, trust me, I'm like a fucking flame thrower like - look at this." There's a sudden burst of sparks from his finger, and I flinch forward to try to help him, before I see a small, never-ending firework floating in mid air before me, turning different colors. It's beautiful.

The quick creaking of the floor brings me back to reality. 

"Baz - Baz !" Baz is dashing out the door, already in the hall. He not so much runs as looks like he's flinging himself forward consistently. Soon, I'm busy chasing him. He'll get us _expelled._ I wouldn't go after him if I weren't going to be dragged into this if he was caught. _This is exactly what all those my-life-is-being-threatened runs have trained me up for, running after my drunk roommate._

He's heading towards the White Chapel at a faster rate than I can blame solely on vampirism, looking like he's having fun, nearly tripping on the smooth gravel paths. The white building contrasts to his coat, which looks black in the dark. Moonlight reflects on his skin while he speeds ahead. Sometimes he looks back to check if I'm still following - always grinning. You would have though the had found the secret to immortality. Assuming he isn't already immortal - vampire and all. Except that's a whole conversation to have later. 

My hair flops into my fair and eyes while I run, and my coordination is at the best of times just as Baz's is in his current state. In terms of this running business, he's winning. 

Past the White Chapel, turning a corner, is when I lose him. There's no white background for him to contrast with, just the dark of the night for him to blend in with. I stop. All I can hear is the sound of my breathing. Heavy. Charged, even though I feel like every ounce of my body has been used just from running here. 

That's when I spot a black blur just at the entrance of the Weeping Tower. _No._ That's when I realized what he was doing.

UGH - HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING TWAT DO YOU-?

I knew it - he MUST being doing this on purpose. I charged forwards, catching at his heels when he needs to open the doors. They're charmed doors, but he manages to pass through - there's no barrier set in place since his mother was headmistress to stop him. I nearly slam into them running at full force, but manage to get through - there's no barrier set in place for me entering either. 

" _BAZ."_ I say sharply in as low a whisper-shout as I can. From here, you can hear the disgruntled noises the Mage is making, probably amidst studying, doing his work. He _hates_ it when you interrupt his working. He even hates it when _I_ walk in on his work, you would think he had something to hide sometimes. 

He's seeing the Mage. 

That is what Baz is doing. 

Baz swiftly turns a corner, nearly slamming into a painting in the process. God, the Mage has these sets of hallways entirely to himself - he could be anywhere-

"Tyrannus?" I hear quietly in the distance. 

"Now, before you go and tell me that _Simon Snow_ is a great magician," I hear in the vague background, much louder, and follow the voice. "Watch this." 

_No._

"Wa-wa-wait, let's play a game." I can hear him.

I hear the sound of sparks going off from his finger. "Let's play 'guess who' - my Mum used to do that one with me." I see him. I can see him running a hand smoothly over his hair, standing in the doorway.  "Guess who's the vampire who's been fucking your son?? This one's funny, because it's m-" I damn near tackle him, dragging him back down the hall. "Whoop, see you later, Mage."

I push him to the side of the door, and gather about my wits, trying my best to get my cheeks to stop being so red, and my hair to stop being such a mess. I present myself in the Mage's doorway. "Terribly, sorry, sir." I manage, before thrusting myself back at Baz, grabbing his hand, and starting to run. "W _hooooosh."_ He says whenever we turn a corner. Only when we pass the White Chapel do I finally turn to him. The winter wind whistles through us, trying and failing to calm the atmosphere. 

"I love the Mage, he's such a nice guy." Baz finally says, staring back longingly in the direction of the Weeping Tower. How drunk does he have to be? 

"What were you THINKING? Do you want us to be expelled?!" My tone is brash.  

He pauses a moment.

Then his right hand starts to spark. 

" _Baz._ " I try. "Are you even _alright??"_ School might be what he cares for most, after trying to kill me, and being evil. Sparks are still fizzling out from him. 

" _Harry Potter's fucking owl!_ " He suddenly bursts in pain, and sparks send off his finger, before they set themselves as they had. Instinctively, I shield him with my body, arms wrapping around his shoulders like he isn't a foot taller than me. He's checking his hands for ashes before he suddenly freezes.

The never ending fireworks are going off over our heads by themselves in what I can tell is a beautiful array of colors.

"STOP IT." I am shouting now, if I hadn't been shouting before.  "For the HUNDREDTH TIME - YOU'RE. FLAMMABLE."

"Oh my God," His eyes turn to soap. "You remembered." 

" _Baz._ " I'm trying to pry it from him. Just an explanation - an admittance even of him being wrong. 

" _Simon_." I blink at the sound of my name on his mouth. It's like finding a speck of sugar in salt. I expect him to be smiling, but he's still go the same soap eyed look. "Shit, I've never said that out loud before."

I don't need to be hugging him, shielding him from the ashes overhead. I can feel the protective bubble I've created around us both. The light of from the sparks overhead reflects slightly off of my magic. It feels like we are living in a kaleidoscope. 

I can feel his warmth radiating through his coat. This close to each other, I'm conscious of my steaming skin pressing into the rough material. 

" _Baz_." I repeat, it should have come out as a warning, but it doesn't. 

He doesn't say my name again. 

There's the light reflecting on and off through my eyelids - from the fireworks - as his lips are on mine, and mine on his. 


End file.
